Can Two People be on the Same Page but still not be Listening to Each Other?

The other day I had an hour to spare between meetings in the city so I decided to go and sit in a park and enjoy some fresh air. There were two empty benches next two each other – one in the shade and one in the sun. I picked the one in the shade, sat down and closed my eyes.

Shortly after, I heard someone walking towards me having a fairly heated conversation I assumed on the phone as I could only hear him speaking. He sat down on the bench in the sun and proceeded to argue relentlessly with the person on the other end of the call – perhaps a supplier, an associate, a client, a family member … I couldn’t tell. But the argument went on for at least 10 minutes before he told whoever he was speaking to that he had to go as he was now late for a meeting.

I kept my eyes closed and just enjoyed some quiet time.

When I opened my eyes and looked around, I noticed a man was sitting on the bench in the sun. I wondered if it was the same person who had been arguing earlier even though I was sure I’d heard him walk away after he’d hung up.

“Sorry about before, mate”, he said. “I just couldn’t take that call in the office. There’s no privacy at all – not even in the meeting rooms”.

“No worries”, I said. “Hope everything’s OK”.

“Me, too”, he replied. “I think it’s just a classic case of two people who are on the same page but not listening to each other. Have a good one”.

He got up and walked away.

As I headed to my next meeting, I kept thinking about his comment.

The idea of two people claiming to be on the same page while still not really listening to each other captures a common dynamic in interpersonal conflicts. In many cases, disagreements arise not necessarily because of fundamental differences in values or goals, but simply due to a breakdown in communication.

On the same page suggests that the individuals involved in an argument might, in fact, share common ground or have similar objectives.

They might be pursuing similar outcomes, but their inability to recognise this commonality contributes to the conflict.

Not listening to each other would imply that the crux of the issue lies in a lack of effective communication.

Even when two parties share commonalities, if they are not actively listening to each other, misunderstandings can arise, leading to disagreements and disputes. And from experience, in many conflicts, people may be so focused on expressing their own perspectives or defending their own positions that they fail to truly hear and understand the other person’s point of view. This breakdown in communication can escalate tensions and make it challenging to find mutually agreeable solutions.

Effective listening is a crucial component of constructive communication. When individuals actively listen to each other, they are better able to understand the underlying concerns, identify shared goals, and work towards finding common ground.

In the context of mediation, fostering active listening skills can be a key strategy for promoting resolution and consensus.

Mediators can play a crucial role in facilitating communication and resolution when two parties are on the same page but not effectively listening to each other typically by creating an environment where both parties feel heard and understood. By actively listening to each party’s concerns, a mediator can validate their perspectives, fostering a sense of acknowledgement and respect.

Miscommunication often arises from misunderstandings.

A mediator can identify and clarify any misconceptions or misinterpretations, ensuring that both parties have a clear understanding of each other’s positions while at the same time maintaining impartiality. This neutrality helps create a safe space for open communication where the parties are more likely to express their concerns and needs when they trust that the mediator is not favouring one side over the other.

When two parties may not recognise that they are in fact on the same page, a mediator can highlight areas of commonality. By refocusing the discussion on shared goals or interests, a mediator can guide the conversation toward collaborative problem solving. This can be a powerful tool for building understanding and rapport, leading to a more constructive dialogue.

In such cases, the mediator is acting a skilled facilitator, helping parties in dispute overcome barriers to effective communication. By fostering understanding, highlighting common ground, and guiding the conversation toward resolution, the mediator can play a pivotal role in transforming a seemingly inflexible argument into a constructive and collaborative process.