Please Don’t be Afraid of Mediation

Geraldine is a nurse. She has been a nurse for over 20 years and has worked at some of the busiest hospitals in the country.

Unfortunately, during one particular placement 18 months ago where she had in fact been appointed as a Head Nurse, Geraldine was bullied. Not by any patients; not by any doctors; but by the other nurses. So much so, that she was completely traumatised and ended up having to take 12 months stress leave.

The Director of Nursing really wants Geraldine to come back to work, as one of her key skill sets is in very high demand at this particular hospital. And as part of the hospital’s push for moral justice, a mediation has been arranged to take place between Geraldine and the Director of Nursing.

A colleague recently asked me to meet with Geraldine to help prepare her for the mediation. When I met with her last week, I couldn’t tell whether she was more terrified of attending the mediation, or the prospect of returning to the same workplace where she had been traumatised a year earlier. She was extremely nervous sitting in front of me and I explained how disputes can leave anyone feeling stressed, isolated and hesitant. She certainly wasn’t alone here. I tried my best to reassure her and asked her to try to not be afraid of the mediation.

The idea of addressing workplace conflict through mediation might feel intimidating at first, but it shouldn’t be.

Mediation offers a safe, structured environment to work through disagreements constructively, helping parties reach resolutions that feel fair and equitable. Many people approach mediation with apprehension, but understanding the process can help ease the fears.

For anyone dealing with highly personal conflicts, such as workplace bullying, revisiting past trauma and the painful events that led to the dispute can feel particularly overwhelming. I could see how much Geraldine was dreading the prospect of sitting opposite her former boss who clearly hadn’t dealt with the problem sufficiently at the time.

I explained how, at its core, mediation is designed to create an environment of psychological safety and that mediators are trained professionals who understand the emotional complexity of conflict. I assured her that the mediator would establish ground rules to ensure that the discussions remain respectful, constructive, and focused on solutions.

If conversations become heated, the mediator will intervene, redirecting the discussion to maintain a calm tone, ensuring that both parties feel secure enough to express themselves without fear of retaliation or hostility.

It’s only natural to dread the idea of sitting across from someone you’re in conflict with or have previously been in conflict with. The confrontation can feel emotionally charged, and many people worry about heated arguments or escalated tension. Opening up during a mediation about your perspective or grievances (or, in Geraldine’s case, expectations around how to potentially move forward), can leave you feeling vulnerable. After all, sharing personal thoughts or feelings, especially if the dispute involves sensitive issues like workplace bullying can be daunting, particularly if you feel the other party will use your vulnerability against you.

During our conversation, the fear of Geraldine’s potential upcoming mediation was immobilising her. That’s the only way I can describe what I saw even as I reiterated that mediation is a voluntary process, meaning she could walk away at any time if she was uncomfortable with the direction it was heading. This empowerment reflects the principles of moral justice.

Mediation respects your autonomy, allowing you to advocate for what feels fair and just rather than having a solution dictated to you by a third party.

Mediation is also an opportunity for healing. It isn’t just about resolving a specific issue; it’s also an opportunity to address deeper emotional wounds and restore relationships. For example, in a workplace dispute, moral justice might involve more than just settling on a practical solution. It could mean receiving a sincere apology or creating safeguards to prevent future issues, helping to rebuild trust and psychological safety. This was something I really hoped Geraldine might embrace.

I also wanted to highlight that one of the mediator’s key roles is to remain neutral. They’re not there to take sides or assign blame but rather to facilitate a dialogue that helps both parties understand each other’s perspectives. This non-judgmental approach would ideally create a space where she would feel heard and validated.

Unlike litigation, which can feel combative, mediation is a collaborative process. The goal isn’t to “win” but to find a solution that works for everyone involved.

Compromise is often a key part of mediation, but it’s important to reframe this idea. It doesn’t mean giving in—it means creating balance. It’s about crafting a resolution that reflects fairness and aligns with the principles of moral justice.

It’s easy to let fear hold you back from the unknown or from trying something new, especially when it involves confronting conflict. But mediation is not something to fear—it’s an opportunity to take control of a difficult situation, find common ground, and create lasting solutions.

By prioritising psychological safety, empowering the parties, and emphasising moral justice, mediation can offer a path forward respecting both your needs and those of the other party.

The process may not always be easy, but it’s a step worth taking. So please don’t let fear keep you stuck in conflict or immobilised. Trust the process, trust yourself, and take the first step toward resolution.